Understand 

Listen to my words. Stand up straight; it will make your stomach look flat. Brush your hair; no one wants to see that mess. You’re doing it wrong. This is how to talk so they will like you. This is how to listen so they will like you. This is how you laugh so they will like you. You are so naïve. Don’t you understand? It’s not about you. It’s about them. Everything you do is for them. You want them to like you, don’t you? Understand that I do this because I love you. If you want to make anything of yourself, listen to me. You’re friends will forget you eventually so don’t waist your time. Now do you understand? You should be studying. You don’t want to sound ignorant when you talk. They don’t like that. Why can’t you understand? It’s what they see when they look at you that matters. Okay? Don’t be your sister. Always expect the worst; you will never be disappointed. I wish you would understand that. I want you to be happy. You have no idea what “happy” is. This is how to be happy. Change. What’s so bad about change? 

 Why can’t you be what I want you to be? I don’t understand.

Sometimes when you have to wait for something that is really important to you, even if it is just for a short amount of time, it can seem like an eternity. The six hours that I sat in the car on the way to
Sacramento felt like six years to me. We were driving up to see my family, but we were also about to pick up our first puppy. Every few minutes in the car I would ask how many more miles we had to go and the response was always, “We aren’t close yet, go to sleep.” I sat and thought of possible names until I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, I again asked how many miles we had left. “We’re here, Annie!” my sister shouted excitedly. “We’re getting our puppy!” I began to shake with excitement. A puppy to my sister and me meant not only did we have someone else to play with, we had someone to take care of. We finally were not always the ones who needed to be watched over.  It gave me a sense of maturity. I leaned forward in my chair as if to make us move faster. Our car seemed to be completely stopped while the cars next to us were speeding by. My stomach twisted and turned inside of me, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if I exploded with excitement, but the moment I saw my puppy trot out to the car, all of the waiting seemed worth it.

It was a typical Tyler-Anna sleepover; jumped about, destroyed my bed, baked, took a walk, and somehow ended up lying on my floor in a huge human knot. After dinner, we slipped in our pajamas and smothered our faces in our ritual avocado clay facial mask. As we were watching Love Actually and the scene where they are at the school play comes on, both Tyler and my stomachs began to growl. Both hungry, we wondered what food we could possibly get at midnight. We walked into my dad’s office where he was up working late. Startled by our green, cracking faces he yelped with fear before settling down. I went over to him and sat on one of his legs. “Hi Sir Raphe. I’m hungry,” Tyler told him, hopping on to his other leg. “Me too!” he replied. “I have an idea! Why don’t we go to Norms?” Amazed that my dad was willing to take us out at such a late hour, Tyler and I zipped into my room to wash off our faces and put some shoes on. We bundled up in our pajamas and the three of us were off. I had expected Norms to be close to empty, but pulling up I saw that almost every table was full. Tyler and I jumped out to get a table while my dad parked the “man van”. A portly woman greeted us with cherry red lipstick smeared on her four front teeth. “Hey there honey’s, let me show ya’ll to a table.” She led us to a booth in the back where my dad met us. We immediately ordered two hot chocolates and began to look over the menu. Between the three of us we ordered enough to satisfy fifteen hungry Marlborough Girls. As the food came, we laughed and my dad told us stories about him and his brothers when they were little. By the end of the meal, we were al so full we could hardly move. When we finally found the strength to get up, I practically had to drag Tyler to the car. We piled into the van and drove back home. This has become a tradition for us, though no night would be as special as the time we spent midnight at Norms.

I don’t let the feeling of embarrassment keep me from
acting the way I want.

People know me as the loud girl who will always win
the random game, and I pride myself on making people
smile.

I choose to take bad news as a way of getting
stronger.

Only at Bob’s market.

Familial Dysautonomia, Brain Tumor, Ulcer, Mental Disorder. You name it; someone in my family has it. My cousin Dina and I are the only ones in my family that don’t have a serious illness. Knowing that the people closest to me are constantly in danger of losing their lives, but no one seems scared shows me a lot about my family. They are all so strong. It amazes me that my cousins can look their disease in the eye and not break down.  I think that part of their strength comes from everyone else. We sort of have a family support system. If someone is in the hospital, they will never spend a minute alone. Family will fly out from across the country, even if no one asks them too.  No disease can hurt us when we are all together.